Restart

The calm after the storm,

Like a soothing caress after a tantrum,

Reminds us that even in the fiercest of times,

There is always another sunset restarting time.

~ Katie Dion

Hello all,

So it’s been awhile since I have posted on here. Full honesty – the holidays really buried me 😦 In addition to it obviously being a very busy time for personal life things, it is also an extremely busy time at work for me! I was having trouble keeping up with everything, and well, something had to give. And as much as I would have loved to have pressed pause on other areas of my life, alas, rent and bills must be paid! So for a few weeks I had to prioritize the most immediate of needs.

But I’m back! After nearly dying at work, I had a nice long week and a half holiday up north with family. There I spent a lot of time eating delicious non-diety food, playing board games, taking walks, watching movies and wearing sweat pants. If there’s a better recipe to restore one’s spirits, let me know!

My time off from life also allowed me to breath and think about how things have been going lately. And truthfully, it’s been a bit off. I have not done a good job of taking my own advice about de-stressing and overcoming challenges (Sending My Condolences to Insecurity and Self-doubt; The Good, the Bad, the Ugly (of STEM Work)). I have let the stress of work creep in all corners of my life, tainting everything until I’m just one big tightly wound ball of anxiety. I started working all hours, nearly 7-days a week. If I wasn’t working, I was thinking about work. Boundaries did not exist. I stopped doing and enjoying basically all of the things I love. I was waking, working, eating, more working, sleeping (barely). That’s about it. It’s about as fun as it sounds!

Nearing a breaking point, I talked with a local priest. I needed some unbiased, outside advice from someone who didn’t know me. As I spilled out my woes, he listened patiently and quietly. He reply wasn’t very complicated, but rather truthful and straight to the point.

Life is not meant to be work. We work to afford our lives outside of it.

Boom.

To sum it up, he basically said that for too long, it sounds like I have allowed the opinions and stress of others (boss & coworkers) to influence me too much, to stoke the flames of my own anxiety and basically just utterly consume me. Just because they are frantic and have allowed themselves to become mean and hard in their personality, does not mean that I have to. Their bad attitude and point of view is their problem, not mine.

Having a few days off allowed me to analyze this, and finally admit that lately it’s, well, been completely shit. Add in I really don’t want to live this way long term. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions. I think they are generally hard to stick to and unrealistic. But with how I’ve allowed my life to become, I do need to start making some changes before it’s too late. So, with the new year well started, my resolutions are thus:

  1. Work on leaving work at work. This is going to take awhile after so many weeks of eating and breathing work, but it’s so very needed.
  2. Read more. I’ve already finished my first novel of the year! It has been so many months since I last read a book, I honestly can’t even remember how long it’s been.
  3. Write more. Hello current post! Aiming to be more regular on here in 2019
  4. Painting. I used to paint all the time! Then I stopped for a number of years. Last year I began to dabble a bit. Hoping to make it more of a regular occurrence.
  5. Take breaks. As you’ve probably guessed, I tend towards an obsessive personality. If I do something, it becomes all consuming. That needs to stop. I need to allow myself to take more breaks and not feel guilty over breaks. Rather, I need to work on seeing those breaks as a way to rejuvenate and boost my productivity through rest.

We’ll see how it goes. 2018 ended with crawling over the finish line in exhausted tatters. Fingers crossed, 2019 doesn’t continue in the same manner!

What changes are you hoping to make, need to make this year? What advice do you have in sticking to resolutions? Let me know!

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